Ashton…and the ghost

Oh, this one has some poetic timing. Just in time for Halloween.

 Let’s talk about Ashton.

Now I’ve mentioned previously that this blog is not meant to bash anyone or speak negatively of anyone. This is meant to share my experiences and learn some things about myself along the way.

However, this one will read a little differently. Because if it acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck... There is no sugar coating this one. Sorry, Ashton. (I don’t know why I’m apologizing, because he won’t read this anyway).

Okay here goes nothing.

Ashton was adorable. Previously married, with a daughter. He was tall, handsome, and covered in tattoos. Although you’d never know it, because he dressed in jeans and sweaters that made him look very clean-cut. I kind of liked that though. First of all, I liked that he was very well-dressed. But, I also liked that he had some edge and some mystery to him. He was right up my alley (Jesus Danielle, when are you going to learn that you need to go up a different alley?!).

We shared some common interests, and had great communication. We could honestly talk and laugh for hours. I liked that he was easy-going and things seemed to flow nicely with not much effort. He made dinner for me, we went to the movies, we hung out in his neighborhood, he showed me the part of his neighborhood he enjoyed, and I showed him mine. Things were seemingly headed in a good direction.

So, when my mom and sister were coming to town, I mentioned it to him. He had planned on being out with friends that night, so we decided if we happened to be in the same place at the same time, we could have a drink together. This relationship was way too new to have a “meet the family” moment, so I wanted it to be super casual if it was going to happen. A little later that evening, he asked where we were, and showed up to the dinner (pre-drinks segment of the evening)…alone. Welp, this is going to be awkward (I thought lol)

The evening actually turned out so great. He had dinner with my family, and then went with us to a wine bar afterwards because he was enjoying his time and wanted to keep visiting. I was pretty smitten at this point. Also, had never really met a guy so eager to meet the family. Here I was trying to keep things casual, and he was all for the formality.

After that night, we hung out a few more times. Things were still feeling promising. My family, of course, loved him and would check in to see how he was doing. Then Halloween rolled around. I knew he had his daughter that weekend, so he had made plans to see me the following week. I thought nothing of it, and let him enjoy his weekend with his family.

When the following week came and went with no word from him, I felt like I knew what was happening. The dreaded ghosting. Although it really made no sense. There had been no signs pointing in that direction, at all. I was more confused than anything honestly. Plus, I was hurt because I had started to really like this guy, and now my family did too. So at that point, as much as I hate to admit it, the embarrassment rolls in. Not that my family gives two craps about whether I am dating someone or not, but I still hate to tell them that that guy they liked is a total douche and I didn’t see it.

Then, it happens. The ghost re-emerges from the depths of wherever the heck he was, doing whatever the heck he was doing. He texted me to say that his car broke down and he was stressed about his finances. He told me he didn’t think he could provide what I needed a relationship. I explained to him, that I don’t care about his finances, I would’ve just really appreciated some communication. If the person I’m with is struggling with something regardless of what it is, and their coping mechanism is ignoring and shutting out their partner, then they aren’t the partner for me. Your partner should be the first person you go to when you’re struggling with anything, in my opinion.

Anyway, I accepted his apology and moved forward with him, cautiously. I went on a girls weekend with my best friends and disconnected for a bit. It was the best cure I could’ve imagined.

When I returned home feeling refreshed, Ashton reached back out. He had told me he wanted to see me. He picked a place (my apt), a day, and a time (3:00pm). Everything was confirmed, and no part of the plan was made by me. I agreed to it, of course, but I wanted to make sure the effort was coming from his end after what had happened in the weeks prior.

The day of, he reached out to say good morning, and re-confirm the plans made. Now, all I had to do was wait…and get my nails done.

………

3:00pm- No word

4:00pm- No word

5:00pm- No word

6:00pm- No word.

Now at this point I start to get a little worried. Because that’s just what I do. I worry.

-is he okay?

-maybe his phone died?

-maybe he fell asleep?

7:00pm- I text, with no response (4 hours late, mind you)

8:00pm- I call; goes straight to voicemail

At this point, I think surely he’s not standing me up because HE MADE AND CONFIRMED THE PLANS. So he or his phone MUST have died. Right? (oh, trust me, I checked the obituaries. If you haven’t realized, us girls are crazy and would rather believe anything other than the fact that the guy we cared about is truly just an a**hole)

Then, it’s silence. Over the next few days there are no texts, no calls. Nothing. When looking back at my text thread trying to decode everything and figure out what I misread, I noticed my last text never read as “delivered”. Hold up… did he BLOCK me?!

Here’s where the sneaky girl gang comes in handy. I probably shouldn’t be divulging this top secret information, but if you want to get to the bottom of something, there is no need for a private investigator, because your girls can figure it out in 30 seconds flat. and it’s free.

So, I had my friend from work send a text to his number. DELIVERED. Then, she called. HE ANSWERED.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F*&%. You make plans, confirm said plans, then stand me up, and block me?! (I am literally yelling this in my head right now)

It was at this point that I swore off all men, and decided to become a lesbian. Just kidding, but it didn’t seem like a very bad idea at the time.

To this day (a year later), I’ve never heard a word from him. Radio silence. I have no idea what I did, or what he did, or what the heck happened. I deleted his number so I couldn’t text him out of frustration, desire for some closure, or out of cabernet motivation. And considering I’m blocked on all platforms, and his social media was deleted, I guess will never know the truth. For now, I can just go ahead and assume he was still married, living a double life, got into some trouble, and had to join the witness protection program. That’s plausible, right?

Honestly, reminiscing about this guy has brought back too many negative feelings to even come up with any green flags right now.   

Let’s just go ahead and swipe right.