Jake…and the tears. Yes, you read that right.
Friday night was here! I’d been chatting with this guy (via text of course, because no one in this generation seems to remember we can actually communicate with real voices) and things seemed to be going well. Other than the fact that he used a ton of exclamation points and abbreviations. I mean come on, there is literally no way he was always THAT excited. Am I right, or am I right? But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, and worry about his grammar and punctuation later.
I suggested we meet at 7:30, knowing I would arrive at 7 to get a head start on the wine consumption. Plus, I hate showing up at the bar last and having to find the guy. I have a fear I will not recognize them in person and accidentally walk right by (irrational? Probably).
I got to the bar at 7 and ordered a glass of cabernet. I perused the menu to give myself something to do while I casually sipped on my wine. The waitress came over at least 3 times asking if I would like to order food while I waited. I casually declined and assured her, the guy is on his way and that “I am fine”. 7:30 hits, and he arrived. Hallelujah, this waitress could finally stop worrying that I was being stood up.
Now let me paint you a picture of Jake. As most dating apps tend to do, I believe he may have stretched the truth a bit when it came to his height. He was much smaller than I imagined. He measured in around 5’7” from what I could eye-ball from my chair. Which, being that I am 5’2, it’s realistically big deal. But a lie’s a lie, Jake. Anyway, he was cute! Light-skinned man with piercing hazel eyes and great smile. I’m a sucker for a good smile. I could get down with this (so I thought).
When he saw that I had already ordered a drink (whoops), he quickly tried to catch up by ordering a Long Island Iced Tea. Mistake number 1. As we chatted and drank, I noticed he started to casually repeat himself. So, I answer as if I hadn’t already answered that question, and change the topic. I could tell this fella was getting tipsy, but I was still willing to see where the night went.
Then, he mentions his Ex. Mistake number 2. Now, I would not deem myself as an expert on dating, but I would go out on a limb here and say it’s NEVER a good idea to talk about an Ex girlfriend on a first date. And I would go even farther out on that limb and say it’s also not a good idea to talk about how you thought you were going to marry her and that you, and I quote; “tried to get her pregnant” so she would stay with you, and then proceed to cry about how much you miss her. You heard me correctly, he cried. Like real tears.
Now don’t get me wrong here, I think a guy who is not afraid to show emotions is super endearing. BUT, if you are crying over a woman while you’re on a date with someone else, that shows me you are CLEARLY still dealing with it and not ready for a new relationship. Excuse me while I hand you a tissue and exit stage left.
Needless to say, that was the end of Jake. Back to the drawing board.
GREEN FLAGS:
- Handsome
- Has a career
- Wants a relationship and a family (but apparently he still wants that with his ex..so maybe that should fall under a Red Flag)
RED FLAGS:
- Bringing up the ex girlfriend on the first date
- Tried to get said girlfriend impregnated (super sketch)
- TEARS
- Enough said.
Swipe Right.