Are we all secretly masochistic?
I know that’s a weird question to ask. But think about it. We all torture ourselves in one way or another. So, here’s a little exercise for ya.
-Raise your hand if you’ve ever stared at your phone, or jumped every time it buzzed, hoping it was your crush?
-Raise your hand if you’ve ever read through old text message threads 100x to figure out where it all went wrong, or how they could’ve been so sweet then and so non-existent now?
-Raise your hand if you’ve ever checked on social media to see if they’ve been active while not responding to your texts?
-Raise your hand if you’ve ever looked back at their dating profile to see if they’ve changed any information, meaning they’ve been active on it since they’ve met you?
-Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to decipher whether that girl in their photo is a relative or a new relationship?
If your arm is about to fall off because of the length of time you’ve been holding it up, I’m right there with ya sis. We all do this. We all torture ourselves. But, why do we do it? Does it make us feel better in any way? No. Honestly, it usually just sends me into some weird, self-pity spiral that takes days to get out of. Maybe we do these things in the hopes of a positive result that can give us a brief sense of relief. If that girl in the picture is his cousin, we can exhale again.
What we need to ask ourselves is, is that brief moment of relief worth the overwhelming suspense and anxiety leading up to it? My answer is a hard no. Trust me, I am guilty of all of this. As I write this, I am hoping I can convince myself to stop participating in this self-destructive behavior myself. So, what can we do to avoid this behavior?
-Step one: PUT YOUR PHONE ON SILENT. (If you’re waiting and waiting for a text, just turn your phone on silent or turn it all the way off)
-Step two: DELETE THE TEXT THREAD. There is literally no point in trying to read between the lines and understand the point in which that guy became a cold-hearted asshole. Sometimes there is no answer. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t tell a bad joke that scared him off. You cannot control the fact that they are a jerk. There is no point in reliving the past, and it will just confuse you more than you already are.
-Step three: GET OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. If that’s too tough, then delete their message thread so that you can’t see when they are active. You can also “mute” them from your thread so you can’t unexpectedly see that they’ve posted something new.
-Step four: UNMATCH THEM. Unmatch with them on your dating app so that you don’t have access to check up on their profile constantly.
-Step five: TRY NOT TO BE A DETECTIVE. This one is a going to be rough. But try, try, try not to figure out who the girl is in their photo, unless you are 100% ready to find out they’re dating someone new. If you’re strong enough to know, then more power to you. If not, close your eyes and pretend you didn’t see it.
-Step six: DELETE THEIR NUMBER. If you’re anything like me, you may have a drink or two and convince yourself it’s okay to send them a text even though they have left you on read for months. DON’T DO IT. Honestly, I don’t trust myself. For me, it’s best to delete the number and get rid of any temptation. If that is too big of a step for you, screenshot their contact and send it to your best friend for safe-keeping. Just imagine their surprise when they text you and you’ll have to genuinely ask them “who’s this?”. The little blow to their ego will be totally worth it.
Finally, and most importantly..
-Step seven: TEXT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS. Have them remind you that you’re more beautiful than cinderella, you smell like pine needles, and your face is like sunshine (if you don’t understand that reference, I recommend you immediately watch Bridesmaids). But seriously, let them remind you that he is a jerk, you are so much better than him, and you deserve the world.